Against kommunikative Unfairness

Stphane Etrillard, management of institutes SECS, Duesseldorf - Stphane Etrillard, management of institutes SECS, Duesseldorf: Fair communication is in principle partnership and to mutual understanding aligned. It concerns the communication in the thing, which as easy both sides want to make themselves as possible. And also in arguments or controversies it concerns not the rhetorical victory and absolute interspersing of the own opinion at expense of the interlocutor, but convincing in the thing, so that the sides can understand and accept the result of the discussion. Substantial means in addition is active listening, which contributes with Empathie and large attention to understand the opinions of the Gegenbers really applicable.

Unfair comwares however aim not at clarifying the thing, but at the personal victory - and often with all means. They unfold their effect usually on the relations level of the discussion participants, to undermine by attacking the personality of the Gegenbers directly or indirectly with the goal, its reliability, authority and sovereignty. In addition the conclusive force of the arguments is then e.g. placed to specialized authority infrage in doubts pulled (by Verallgemeinerungen of individual cases, denying facts or representing opinions as facts and .), those (through exposure alleged error in the conditions of the proof or vorgeblich outdated numbers of etc.) or it is tried, the interlocutor - bspw. by assumptions or offenses - to provoke and so the argument to emotionalisieren, in order to disconcert or tempt to thoughtless expressions or reactions the opposite. In all cases this procedure is to divert from the actual thing and to make the relations level the place of the argument.

Who keeps calm and leaving in such cases and not be provoked cannot, its sovereignty can maintain also here. If one gets involved however in the provocation and seizes even to unfair means, the aggressor would have already achieved his goal - the actual thing would be to this moment to no more subject of the discussion. Therefore the most effective protection against such attacks is first of all to remain with the thing and/or lead back persistently to the thing. With closer Hinsehen it becomes also clear that it is not at all necessarily and actually also not possible to answer to unobjective and unfair attacks something since it does not concern a clarifying at all. On the contrary: The more one on this play lets oneself in, the more strongly the situation will escalate. It remains therefore only to lead back with questions, and if necessary assistance of changing to the Metaebene, the discussion again and again to the thing.

Far more subtly - and therefore often also substantially more effectively - manipulating strategies proceed. The difficulties in handling manipulations lie first of all to notice and recognize it at all as such, because them work mostly in the background and in the unconscious one. It requires a very attentive introspection of the own reactions and a conscious reflection over personal sensitivities, in order to be able to recognize, when manipulations effect show. Sovereigns personalities have for it the best conditions, because they know themselves and their reactions very well and are also able to notice the opposite with large attention.

The latter is likewise of large importance, because apparently coincidental and completely unintentional behavior of an interlocutor emerges pretty often as difficult play around the higher status. And there manipulation frequently in the form of dominance or under smoldering leagues gestures of threatening carries out itself, shows up here often very fast, who able is real to maintain ground and its personality approximately such attacks and of disconcerting not directly from the course to throw leaves itself. A high measure of self-assertion and personal sovereignty protects very effectively against manipulating techniques, which aim to make an imbalance in the status of the involved ones and to derive of it dominance - and in the long run the victory -.

Some examples of manipulating proceedings:

The penetration in the personal distance zone or also a certain seat order can represent a territorial threatening gesture, if with its assistance a superiority is to be demonstrated.
When speaking dominant factor gestures like a stretched index finger or sudden rising is e.g. used.

Also when listening dominantes and threatening behavior effect can show: Provoking way marriages and remarkable employing with other things, sudden interrupting of the discussion, an imperturbable Pokerface or a dominant factor body attitude - all that can contribute to the disconcertion of the speaking. With an intensive view contact some interlocutors try to irritate it opposite or intimidate. To look places of status symbols is a socially higher rank to signal. Radix complements, praise and Schmeichelei are to cook the opposite so long softly , until the view for the reality is perfectly adjusted, or the discussion atmosphere to affect in such a way that for criticism and contradiction no more place is. The understanding is to be overlaid by the allegedly positive emotions. The opposite is to be provoked and disconcerted by repeated responding to weaknesses and controversial issues in such a way that it finally gives the own position up.

Argumentative successes, which are reached on the way of the manipulation, are usually however very short term. Because the results of the discussion are not due to mutual communication developed and thus on a long-term basis hardly load-carrying, first of all also not, because perhaps they are based on untrue or manipulated facts and preconditions. In addition the effects are fatal on the relations level of the interlocutors: From mutual appreciation, tolerance and serious argument no speech can be. The opinions of the manipulated discussion participant were excluded in the long run and found in the result no consideration.

Straight sovereigns humans are however not helplessly delivered manipulating techniques. Attentive noticing, paired with a healthy self value feeling and a conscious self reflection, leads to sensitization - and that is one of the most effective remedies, because as soon as manipulation is discovered, she loses at effective force.

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Literature-tap:

Stephane Etrillard
Principle sovereignty
As sovereigns reliably act and decide personality
ISBN: 3873876337
Junfermann publishing house 2006

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Over the author:

Stphane Etrillard, is considered as a prominent European expert to the topic personal sovereignty . With Entscheidern and high-level personnel he is looked for and well-known as councellors and coaches of the new generation . As Coach and an author he enjoys a outstanding call. With its open seminars within the range Rhetorik and dialectic as well as even PR, he help his participants to more sovereignty in all situations in life. Stphane Etrillard obtain authority from practice for practice. Its proven know-how developed in the observation and company of several thousand high-level personnel and salesmen from most different industries. Among his private clients rank managers from Top enterprises, medium-size entrepreneurs and politicians as well as many humans, who get themselves with it new impulses, in order to arrange their communication goal-prominent. Is by numerous lectures and publications he a broad public admits become. Its books and audio Coaching programs rank among the Business Topsellern.

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